WGN TV sits down with Selective Search Matchmaker Ashley Lobo to discuss some dating guidelines for single dads this Father's Day.
Speaker 1: Rules of the road for newly single dad's who are just getting back into the dating game and how to introduce that new woman in your life to the kids. We're getting some tips from Ashley Lobo, dating expert and founder who works with selective search matchmaking. Ashley good to have you in.
Speaker 1: So before we get to some of the tips here, tell me about your organization, Selective Search. This is not an internet dating site is it?
Ashley Lobo: No it's not. It's kinds of like old school matchmaking. We've been around for over fifteen years. It's completely off line, confidential, and we customize each and every search for our clients.
Speaker 1: This is old fashioned.
Ashley Lobo: It is old fashioned. We have the highest rate in the industry which is eighty seven percent.
Speaker 1: How do you gain success, marriage, something like that?
Ashley Lobo: Yeah. Actually one out of every three clients meets the love of their life on their first introduction...
Speaker 1: How about that.
Ashley Lobo: ...by our amazing matchmakers. How about that.
Speaker 1: How do you match them us? Do you just have a gut feeling that this woman might be really good with this guy right here?
Ashley Lobo: Yeah. It is a sixth sense as a match maker, combined with our intuition and our meet your future process. We interview each woman on behalf of our clients in person, get to know them and their personality, and their preferences before moving forward with an introduction.
Speaker 1: Let's talk about some of your tips. What is... You deal with a lot of new dads, newly single dads, one of them is don't rebound too quickly, right? Don't just jump back into it?
Ashley Lobo: Right, don't jump back in. You need to take time to heal and reflect on you. Now I'm a different person, I'm out of a ten year, fifteen year marriage, what am I really looking for. Times have changed and probably what your looking for has changed too.
Speaker 1: You got to talk to the kids too assuming you have kids. You've got to tell them. What do you say to them?
Ashley Lobo: I think it's best to be open and transparent. Let them know, look kids I want to start dating, I want to be happy, I want to have that partnership, but nothing has changed between us. I still love you, mom still loves you, and everything in our relationship is going to be the same. Let them have it out there in the air to ask questions.
Speaker 1: What about those casual relationships? Guys, you know what I'm talking about, right.
Ashley Lobo: Yes.
Speaker 1: Do you take them home to meet the kids?
Ashley Lobo: No, absolutely not. Not unless you know that she's a keeper and it's going to go the distance. You don't want to confuse young children or have them get attached to anyone too soon. Definitely only bring home the exclusive relationships.
Speaker 1: Okay. So Mrs. Right Now you don't introduce but Mrs. Right you do?
Ashley Lobo: Yes, that you can do.
Speaker 1: Set aside date time and family time and be fully present in each. Explain that for me.
Ashley Lobo: If your a dad you should have an amazing baby sitter on tab. Make sure that when your on your date you can relax, have fun, and not be worried are my kids okay, so you can be fully present. Make sure that you set aside that date time and then set aside that time for your family. Plan fun activities, maybe go to a Hawks game, really make sure you maximize your time with your kids.
Speaker 1: Part of this means investing in a really good baby sitter?
Ashley Lobo: Yes, a very good baby sitter.
Speaker 1: What if the kids don't connect right off with that new lady in your life? Is that a problem?
Ashley Lobo: It's not a problem. I think you have to realize that it can take time. Especially for younger kids. We always say to try to introduce them slowly and do something that's easy, breezy, and fun. If your child is on the soccer team bring her out to the game. Have her cheer on your child in whatever they are passionate about. Bring a yummy treat, sort of incentivize your kids a little bit.
Speaker 1: Selective Search, you've been around fifteen years you say?
Ashley Lobo: Yeah, it's fifteen plus years.
Speaker 1: Do you have a lot of clients? Can you talk about that?
Ashley Lobo: It's all very confidential but we do work with a lot of clients and it's very specialized.